This post will only make sense to Terry Pratchett fans. If you enjoy Discworld as much as I do, make sure you switch on your Smugness before you read on. After all, why waste a good opportunity to smug it up? You got the reference, champ!
So, remember the witches of Lancre, up in the Ramtops? Granny Weatherwax, Gytha Ogg, Magrat Garlick and Agnes Nitt?
Let’s try to recall some things PTerry says about Agnes Nitt.
On her hair…
It wasn’t simply big hair, it was enormous hair, as if she was trying to counterbalance her body. It was glossy, it never split, and was extremely well-behaved except for a tendency to eat combs.
On her voluptuous figure…
Nanny Ogg thought about Agnes. You needed quite large thoughts to fit all of Agnes in.
On her voice…
She concentrated on the notes, working her way stolidly upwards from sea-level to mountaintop, and took no notice at the start when a chair vibrated across the stage or, at the end, when a glass broke somewhere and several bats fell out of the roof.
Also on her voice. More or less…
“But the range… what a range she’s got…”
“Quite. I saw you staring.”
“I meant her voice, Salzella. She will add body to the chorus.”
“She is a chorus. We could sack everyone else. Ye gods, she can even sing in harmony with herself.”
To summarise: an incredible voice, a figure to inspire Titian, and glorious piles of hair.
Here’s a portrait of Agnes by the talented Kate Hughes of Aht, Dahling to give form to this mental picture. (Thank you for letting me use this here, Kate!)
I just realised while listening to a song on the radio one day that Agnes Nitt actually exists.
Has anyone checked Adele’s closets for broomsticks with somewhat above-average aerodynamics?